Angel Baby

For those we’re not close to, you may not be aware,
That we lost our first child, just earlier this year.
Our Angel Baby, without a sex or a name,
Now lives only in memory, and a little white frame.

Today marks the start of Baby Loss Awareness Week,
So we thought now was a good time, to open up and speak.
Because what we both went through is something of which not to be ashamed,
And it’s taken me a while to realise that I’m not to blame.
It was nothing I did, it was nothing I ate,
It wasn’t genetic, it was all down to fate.

We found out in January that our dreams had come true,
And that in September, our first baby was due.
The path wasn’t easy with many an A&E trip,
From consistent bleeding – to a dislocated hip!
But we both just pushed through it, because it’d be worth it in the end,
And we were getting so close to sharing the news with our friends.

We hit our 12 weeks, and we went for our scan,
Full of hope and excitement – this was all in the plan.
For the news that they gave us, we just weren’t prepared,
They said there’s a problem – our Bean was impaired.
The child they saw on the screen was too incomplete,
Without bladder, or bowel – with no legs and no feet.
We were surrounded by couples, so thrilled with their news,
Whilst we were placed in another room, just scared and confused.

The doctors, they spoke in tones so grave,
Of the battles that our child might brave.
To continue their life, would have just been unfair,
With endless years of urgent care

With heavy hearts, we made the call,
To spare the pain, to end it all.
To save them from a life of woe,
And let their spirit gently go.

Last month our Angel should have been due,
And we wanted to share this story with you.
One of the hardest things for me was seeing our friends share,
Their new bumps, their perfect pregnancies – it just wasn’t fair.
They didn’t know what we’d been through so they weren’t to blame,
But to me it compounded the guilt, the fear and the shame.

It takes a while to truly understand
That not every outcome can really be planned.
We chose to let go, to spare them the pain,
And there’s no need for guilt, for fear or for blame.
We made the right choice, and it’s time to move on.
Now as a couple, we’re more determined and strong.

We were lucky enough to conceive again,
And with hope that this will be our rainbow after the rain.
But we’ll never forget, the one who just wasn’t meant to be,
Our first, our baby, forever in our memory.

By Kim